Friday, June 15, 2012


Matt doesn’t want me to get a second job, but I really, really want to.

Right now, I get off work at 3:30 PM, and I have to wait for him to pick me up from work (can't take public transportation - the system in LA is super horrible, and the shortest commute is 2 hours anyway, and we can't move until our lease is up in 5 months).  Usually he picks me up about 5 - 5:15. 

I keep thinking, if I got a second job, maybe 20 hours a week, he could just pick me up later.  And the $400-500 extra could go towards saving for a second car, paying my student loans, and me getting my own spending money.  I really miss having my own money.  Having to justify every expense, not being able to buy a latte or lunch when I want to... It sucks.  It makes me really angry.

But he doesn't want me to get a second job.  Because then I'll be tired.  Well I'm tired anyway when we get home at 6:30, so I don't see how getting home at 9:30 after working a 4-5 hour shift will be THAT much worse! 

I don’t know what to do, but I’m tired of waiting, bored, for nearly two hours, just so he can pick me up.  And I’d love to be able to save for my own car.  I’d really like to have money in my wallet, instead of being hungry, unable to buy food because dear husband didn’t feel like he needed to give me any spending money.

I hate this dependency.  I’m angry, and frustrated.  I keep thinking I’d be better off single. 

To be honest, what I would really rather do is split the bills 50/50.  Cuz you know what?  I’d have $1000 spending money each month.  (Not that I’d spend it all.  I really would like my own car.)  If we did that, though, Matt’s salary would barely be able to cover his portion of the bills.

Maybe if I gave him part of my paycheck, it would work.  Like an allowance.

Yeah he wouldn’t go for that either. 

But this…this is just not working at all. 



  1. Wow! Good luck, Steph. If you had kids in the house, I would say you have to do what's best for them, even if it means playing nice when the other parent is unreasonable. However, you don't have kids and it is completely reasonable to expect your spouse to support your career and financial choices, so long as they are not completely irresponsible.

    I am very lucky to have a wife (we actually did get married after 12 years, who wants a career and supports mine. We help each other get ahead, whether it means helping each other study, handling the childcare, doing the housework when the other can't, etc, etc. It's really the only way to go and neither of us would stay in the relationship without it.

    Fighting about money is the worst because after the fight's over you still don't have any money ;) But it doesn't sound to me like you're just thinking about're thinking about your future. Your future is something you can't give up, period. It sounds to me like there is a series of serious conversations that need to take place, and both of you will need to understand what the problems are and be on board with a solution. Good luck, sis!

  2. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!! I am so happy for you! You guys look so happy. :)

    We have worked it out, I'm happy to say. I'm getting a second job, at least until we move in five months. And we are working out the spending money issue. I was unable to voice my frustrations except in writing - you know, a lot of blog posts never make it to publication - too whiny! :)

  3. I've tried to convince Lester over and over again for me to take a second job so we can pay off our bills faster. It would be nice to not be in bondage of debt and to freely spend the money the Lord has provided for us. However his answer was always no. At first that ”no” was difficult to swallow I really wanted to do this for us. I wasn't just thinking about me, we really needed this second job, but in my heart I knew my husband looks to the Lord for guidance and in return I look to my husband for the leading of our family. The hardest part about marriage is that dependency. That is my biggest struggle to this day. I thank Jesus He is beside me so I can cling to Him when I go through things I don't understand, why my submission to my husband is more important. I know God desires to abundantly bless you and your husband whether a second job or not. I've only been married 3 years and we've gone through the highs and lows. I honestly believe we will continue to have these struggles throughout our marriages, but as we conquer each struggle we fall deeper in love with our husbands. That's enough for me. :-)